He Is I AM by Ashlynne Bell
I’ve been attempting for months now to somehow put into words what the last few years have been like—what it has felt like watching loved ones walk through valleys where the shadow of death is staring them in the face, or being thrown into treacherous waters so deep that they do not know how they’ll make it to the other side...oh, and living in desert places so dry that the heartbeat of their passion feels as though it’s on life support. I’ve sat in rooms where the sound of brokenness has felt like arrows of fire producing a battle sound unlike anything I have ever heard. I’ve listened to the cry of the wounded, and wondered where God was when the beating took place.
He is I AM.
In this season, I’ve often had questions for the God of healing when sickness and disease rushed in like a flood. I’ve stood back with my own inner struggles while carrying the fatherless through rejection and abandonment. I’ve questioned theology and misunderstood the very words of truth that were written to bring understanding and life. I’ve asked the Lord for answers and looked up, only to stare into the eyes of another breathtaking opposition.
He is I AM.
As I sit here and try to pen words on paper, that somehow reflect what this road has produced, I’m overwhelmed. There are no formulas or magic solutions to seeing your pain through to the other side...and I wish these words were coming to you from a sunny beach resort with my family members seated beside me—healed, whole and restored. I wish there was laughter and a few witty jokes behind these words, but sometimes you walk through a fire that blazes a trail within your innermost being, and until you’ve reached the other side, you press, you push and you position your whole self to know that He is the I AM who always was, who always is and who always is to come.
He is I AM.
This month, the Live Original team was asked to write on the word BELIEVE. Who is this King of Glory to me? Do I believe He is who He says He is? Can I see His face through the eye of the storm? Can I find rest beneath the scars that bore my freedom?
Do I believe HIM?
As I sat this morning asking the Lord what to say, I felt so strongly that there will be those reading this who are facing the greatest giants of their life. It might be a giant of fear, cancer, rejection, sin, unhealthy relationships, or any number of other things. I cannot give you the answer key. I cannot tell you that the roadmap to something awesome won’t take you through detours you never saw coming. You might be standing in a place of what feels like no return. You might be experiencing the strings of your heart being pulled, twisted and knotted in two...but I believe it’s those strings that will one day create a melody so delightful and beautiful, that others will come to know Him when they hear it.
You see, it’s our pain that, when surrendered, ushers forth a fragrance of worship that Heaven goes wild for. I, too, might still be standing in the center of the battlefield. I might still be watching family members fight for their lives, but one thing I know to be true—He is the I AM of my every moment, and my heart will proclaim the goodness of the Lord, regardless of what the pain might feel like. My spirit will release a roar of wonder at His Name that is above every name. His presence is unlike any other. His face outshines the brightest suns, and His eyes burn with a blazing fire for His children.
He is THE I AM.
I pray that as you read this today, you realize that you are never alone. I pray you are encouraged knowing there are others walking through fiery furnaces of trial and heartbreak. Be encouraged that there is a place like Live Original where you can come and read words from women who seek God first in all things. Most importantly, I pray you understand that the I AM of all creation loves you, is for you, and wants to be with you.
Lastly, I hope the next post I write is all rainbows and butterflies, but for today, I had no other place to take you but this place where I sit...seeking, waiting, hopefully watching for the I AM to turn the page and reveal what was always beyond the veil.
He would say to you today, “I am that I am.”